(by Christopher Fredrickson)
The past few weeks have been really rough on me in terms of my health as a diabetic. I've since not been able to bring myself as being a good example as a rabbi for our Messiah Yeshua because of the stress on my health as a type 1 diabetic. In the recent weeks I have had blackouts, I have been mean to individuals close to me, I have been the opposite of the kind of person I need to be in order to run this ministry. So I have decided to take some time off from my ministry, radio and video duties on Nazarene Media, YeshuaCast and NazFlix. I feel that if I am not being the man I need to be then I could bring a lot of harm towards many of you and as those of you who know me know, I would never wish for that to happen.
The story is rather complex yet simple at the same time. I have recently been taking a new kind of insulin. The kind is called Humalog and the second is called Lantus. I was originally taking a 70/30 blend and had been for many years with zero complications. Since taking the Humalog and Lantus my blood sugar has been near to impossible to control. The lows have been devastating ranging from ranges of 60 all the way down to 27. On many occasions I have had black outs, I have awoken in cold sweats, today I lost my motor functions and could not walk for several hours, I have had moments of rage and anger towards people who care about me and whom I care for, I have had hours of being disoriented, feelings of sickness and symptoms paralleling that of drunkeness. It has been really hard on many people in my life whom I deeply care for.
And so I have decided to take a much needed vacation from the daily functions of this ministry and focus my efforts on getting better and making it up to all the people with whom I have hurt over the duration of this time. I will be returning to the doctor on Feb 18th and I will ask to be put back on my previous insulin. Though control will be immediate, I still feel that I have done a lot of damage in my life because of these diabetic complications to many other people. Everyday as Jews we must make Teshuvah, there may be some of you with whom I have hurt if so please leave a comment or send me an email so I can make things right with you and ask for your forgiveness. I want desperately to be the man I was before the complications started with my diabetes and I want to be a reflection of Hashem to all of you. But right now I am not that reflection until I get to feeling better and until I make amends with the individuals with whom I have hurt. This may take 2 weeks or it may take a little more. The important thing is that I get healthy and that I be a good reflection of Hashem to all of you. I love all of you dearly and thank you for understanding.
Theological Insights from Rabbi Eved Banah the North American Rebbe of Ani Judaism