 (by Christopher Fredrickson) Over the duration of the past 10+ years of striving for observance I have received many phone calls, many emails, many text messages from people trying to find where it is they fit in, where it is they can find a sense of belonging in the Messianic faith. I have recently been in deep prayer over this in terms of the direction the Messianic Jewish faith is going in, and I have pleaded with Hashem to help me give the answers that I must in a way that is edifying to our brothers and sisters and to help them realize who it is they are in the guf hamashiach. Our faith at times seems to be made up of the social outcasts (not to say that is a bad thing, Albert Einstein was a social outcast and the Jewish people social outcasts as well as our Messiah, so social outcasts are in good company). Many have told me through their words that are hidden in their subconscious about how they feel they were never accepted by family, or by their former religious institution or by their peers. Often times, something like this is the reason they started to find their place in the world and a community in which they would be loved and accepted through a faith system, and be given insight into who it is they are, why they were created and what their purpose is. Many think through a heightened observance they can make the connection. Heightened observance is a good thing but only if the foundation is laid first and if an individual is able to love themselves and identify the divine spark that Hashem has put within them and if they grasp their uniqueness in Mashiach. Observance of levels of Torah are in vain unless a person loves themself. A new command I give unto you: that you love one another. As I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this, every Nash {Man} will know that you are My Talmide {Disciples}, if there shall be love among you; one towards another.” The issue many tend to have is that they do not love themselves, and if one does not love themselves then how can they love their brother or sister adequately? The fact is, if they reject their own divine spark from Hashem and the thing that makes them unique and helpful in the guf hamashiach then how can they identify and work with someone else's divine spark? For then unknowingly to the person trying to find their community they then develop a haughtiness and an egotism while still feeling like a social outcast and they compensate by then elevating themselves above all, and yet at the same time they distance themselves even more when trying to find community and do horrible damage to themselves spiritually and through their relationships with others. And yet at the same time, though they find themselves to be academically or spiritually elevated, the fact is they are more depressed than they were previously. So even through their own self elevation they find that the hole in their soul has not gotten smaller but rather it has gotten bigger. They try then to drown themselves in academia through the ideal of "if I study a little more, I will make more connection with the message of G-d and I will unlock the thing that is the cure to my unhappiness". Yet, it is always...."just a little more" it is never enough. First of all, study and academic studies in Judaism should not be discouraged, they should be elevated. But it is important for a person to realize at the same time that academic studies are not the thing that is going to bring them closer to G-d or to their community without firs identifying the divine spark and having a love and respect for others and learning to love one's self and love others. These two things, as Yeshua pointed out, are the foundation of observance and study, otherwise one's study could bring them spiritual death if it is not for the right reason. Out of the 7 billion people alive on the planet today, each has a divine spark from Hashem and each divine spark that was breathed into them is an attribute of uniqueness and and area they thrive, as it is written: But, there are for us various gifts, according to The Taybutha {The Grace} which was given unto us. There is that gift of Prophecy, given according to the measure of Faith; and there is that gift of Ministration, that is for him who is in Ministry; and there is that gift of the Teacher, in his doctrine; and there is that gift of Exhorter, in his encouragement; and that of Giver, in liberality; and he who is established at the head, in earnestness; and that of the compassionate, in cheerfulness. And let not your love be deceitful, but rather, be an enemy to evil things, and adhering unto the good things. Be compassionate unto your Brothers, and loving one unto another; be preoccupied with honoring one unto another. When I started teaching on the radio, I was a little green of course, but I also realized I was different in many ways. My sense of humor and ways of conveying certain premises was different than others. Though theologically I had many teachers agree with me in what I said, but they felt uncomfortable in how I said it because I didn't sound like an academic in the traditional sense. I was told by one station owner, on a station I was on, "you need to listen to _____ and _____ and how they convey points and study their tone and how they speak as academics and do like them." I remember practicing this, to sound this way and to teach in this particular style. The next week came and I told the station owner, "this is not me, I cannot do it the way you want me to do it and I think people will appreciate the fact that I am honest in how I am and that I don't have a persona on and off the air and I think that will reach people and help to reach people who may not be reached by others because I am different." That week, I went on the air, and the next I was asked to not return the next week. It was all because I was "different". And because I embraced my divine spark and the thing that made me different. I wasn't trying to be like other teachers and I wasn't trying to not be like them either. I was staying within the halakha I knew at the time (my halakha has since evolved and matured) but yet presenting it as....well....me. The thing that was unsettling about it, is I was told that I could have all the right interpretations of various things in our faith, yet it wouldn't matter if I didn't conform in the way I conveyed it because no one would listen to my show. 10 years later as I evolved in my halakha, I have stayed with the conviction of my divine spark and how Hashem made me and the fact He has made me different and now, because of this I average 200,000 listeners/viewers a week on radio and television. The sages taught essentially that if we denounce our divine spark, if we don't embrace it then we are rejecting the Holy Presence of G-d that was breathed into us and that is our life source and witness of Hashem. That the soul, after its departure from the body, is immortal is stated in this verse which calls it the “soul of life” [nishmat chayim], namely, a soul hewn out of the Source of life, for the soul is hewn out of the Source of the divine Wisdom [i.e. the Sefiri Chokhmah] . . . If you will grasp the significance of the verse uttered by Solomon in his wisdom you will understand the soul’s lofty and elevated degree, its foundation and its mystery. Solomon says: “Man’s pre-eminence above the beast is nothing” [Eccl. 5: 19]. He states that the pre-eminence of man over the beast is by virtue of that which is called “Nothing”, that is to say, by virtue of man’s rational soul which derives from Wisdom, represented by the letter yod, united with the divine Will, represented by the letter aleph. Understand this thoroughly. The letter yod represents the Sefiri Chokhmah, the divine Wisdom. The letter aleph represents the highest of the Sefirot, Keter (Crown), the divine Will. The first two letters of the Hebrew word for “nothing”--ayin—are aleph and yod. Hence the human soul derives from the first divine impulse to create, allied to the potential wisdom manifested in creation. Hence the verse speaks of G-d as breathing into his nostrils that we might understand the foundation of the soul and its most elevated state, since it emanates from the Holy Spirit. It is for this reason that the soul is compared to the Holy One, blessed be He, in five matters. The soul resembles God in all its qualities and is greater than the angels . . . The conclusion of the matter is that whatever the mouth can utter in precise praise of the qualities of the Holy One, blessed be He, in His role as Creator of all things, can be included in the qualities of the soul as a created thing. The Sage observes: “Know yourselves and you will know G-d.” Consider all this!’
It is important to embrace the thing that makes you unique, for within it you will find Hashem, and you will find your identity in the guf hamashiach. Many get off track early on in their walk (as I as well did) and try and find it within something called the Two House/Ephramite Identity Movement. We think our identity lies within what it is we call ourselves and of what tribe some one on youtube tells us we are from based upon our geographic origins. For first of all, no one knows their tribe, there was no genetic testing during the time of the diaspora and there has been generation after generation of inter-marrying since that time. Plus, even within the Scripture and within Judaism, we are warned that our identity is not within those things. and should not cast themselves unto fables, and unto accounts of generational lines, which have no end. For, these make many contentions and not a building up in The Haymanutha d'Alaha {The Faith of God}. Though to my surrounding area, filled with Christians, they may identify me as "the Jewish guy". But within the Messianic Jewish community I am identified by not the broadness of the statement "the Jewish guy" but instead by many attributes I have and by my divine spark(s) that made me the unique individual that I am. And by focusing on other's divine sparks is how I am able to better help others and work with others. Through this, there are over 30 congregational leaders and leaders within our faith that I work with, outside of the scope of organization and halakha because I focus not on our differences but our similarities and by me accepting who I am, I am better able to accept them when it is we do not agree. And through this, there is also a sense of acceptance and fulfillment on my part and on theirs. Take for example, there are three people who are on several Christian radio stations and speak at many Christian churches and they could not be more different. They are Dr Michael Brown, Jonathan Chan and myself. Now, I disagree with Dr Brown and Rabbi Chan on many many many instances. But Dr Brown is on several Christian radio stations (over 100) teaching the Jewish Messiah. Jonathan Chan has spoken at the National Prayer Breakfest and his books are big sellers in Christian book stores. In the past 5 years I have spoken at over 30 Christian churches, am on 4 different Christian radio stations and teach a weekly study to Christians. Now Dr Brown is more Christian in his understanding and halakha, Jonathan is hard to pinpoint really where his halakha is, and I am the Rabbinic Jew out of the three. We could not be more different. Yet there is a mutual respect. Yet, neither of us spend our time saying why we believe the other is wrong and the why we are right. The reason for this is when a person embraces their divine spark they can appreciate other's divine spark as well, and love themselves and love Hashem and love others by...again identifying the indwelling of Hashem within those around them. When this happens certain focuses snd words become nonexistent in conversation. One who is still trying to gain acceptance because they do not love themselves and are lost in their identity through not finding their divine spark will try and search out everything in the world that is pagan and that will be their emphasis of study, why everyone else is wrong and they are right. They will try and build their own community around them by tearing others down to draw to themselves the congregants of those with whom they are attacking. The same individual will try and push their "scholarship" and claim no one else has their level of scholarship outside of their tight knit group of individuals who agree with them. But they will also try and maintain control and need to approve who one can listen to or learn from. Paranoia will set in, such individuals live in fear of everything and anything. They become conspiratorial, not only of the happenings on the news, but also within their congregations, and within their group. They are afraid to eat the food, drink the water, and believe they are being monitored by the government or other entities. It is through egotism brought on by not loving one's self that causes this to happen and it is a trick from the yetzer hara (literally: The Evil Inclination, or the internal Satan). Now, for the person who is new in this walk, you may ask, "How do I find my divine spark and my identity?". The first step and the ongoing step is always hitbodedut (unstructured, spontaneous and individualized prayer) put the siddur down and talk to Hashem out of sight and in seclusion. Guard your personal holiness, take no part in unedifying speech, lashon hara (evil speech) and keep your yetzer hara (evil inclination) at bay. Every hateful word from your mouth, don't let it go out, but rather, that which is good, and useful for edification, which gives Taybutha {Grace} unto those who hear it. Engage in chesed (loving kindness) in every instance with every person. Compliment each person you meet, and it will help you to find their divine spark and will allow you to easily look within yourself and find yours. It will also allow purity to manifest if it is done without favoritism, and without any sort of reward. For the sages say: Antignos of Socho received [the transmission] from Shimon the Righteous. He used to say: Do not be as servants who serve the Master to receive reward. Rather, be as servants who serve the Master not to receive reward. And let the fear of heaven be upon you." For servitude should not be of the reason of recognition, or elevation, but rather out of purity. For if it is for reasons of praise then one's servitude is then sin because it is for reasons that are not pure and not for the intentions of selflessness. It is essentially the antithesis of servitude. Service should not be lukewarm either like something on a check list.
Lastly, is emptying one's self of any bias formulated in their own plans for life is crucial. Someone may think what I do is cool, they may try and be like me, they think that will make them happy but it may not be what it is G-d has for them. We then allow our worldly ambition get in the way of our spiritual path. We mustn't allow self to get in the way of finding our real self. Otherwise we would be on a divergent path that makes it harder for us to find our identity because we then craft this identity we want for ourselves as an idol. Sometimes the things that seem like the longest of processes are our preparation for our path in life and in faith. |
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Theological Insights from Rabbi Eved Banah the North American Rebbe of Ani Judaism Archives
June 2021
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